Quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

"If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'"

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"I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked."

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"I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood."

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