Quotes by George Carlin

"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."

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"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

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"Electricity is really just organized lightning."

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"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

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"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."

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"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."

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"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first."

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"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."

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"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."

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"Religion is just mind control."

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"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

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"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"

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