"How young can you die of old age?"
Steven WrightTiny Panda Quotes
Quotes by Steven Wright
26 quotes found
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"It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet."
Steven Wright"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."
Steven Wright"Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'"
Steven Wright"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
Steven Wright"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
Steven Wright"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
Steven Wright"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
Steven Wright"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."
Steven Wright"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
Steven Wright"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
Steven Wright"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
Steven Wright"I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things."
Steven Wright"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
Steven Wright"I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be."
Steven Wright"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."
Steven Wright"I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them."
Steven Wright"I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am."
Steven Wright"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
Steven Wright"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
Steven Wright"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."
Steven Wright"I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."
Steven Wright"My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere."
Steven Wright"When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them."
Steven Wright"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
Steven Wright"If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?"
Steven Wright