Billy Connolly Quotes

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Billy Connolly

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Billy Connolly

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

Billy Connolly

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Billy Connolly

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

Billy Connolly

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

Billy Connolly