"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."
Rodney DangerfieldTiny Panda Quotes
Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
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"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
Rodney Dangerfield"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Rodney Dangerfield"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
Rodney Dangerfield"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Rodney Dangerfield"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."
Rodney Dangerfield"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."
Rodney Dangerfield"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Rodney Dangerfield"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."
Rodney Dangerfield"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."
Rodney Dangerfield"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me."
Rodney Dangerfield"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
Rodney Dangerfield"Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid."
Rodney Dangerfield"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."
Rodney Dangerfield"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."
Rodney Dangerfield"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
Rodney Dangerfield