"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
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Quotes about Funny
Humor is simply a way of making light of things and society as a whole. Humor creates more understanding and acceptance in the eyes of others. When you are able to laugh at yourself, others, and life itself, it allows us to appreciate these special things in the world around us. By laughing at misfortunes or events that happen in our lives, we can take them less seriously and learn from it along with having fun!
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"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
Elbert Hubbard"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
Jim Carrey"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
Steve Martin"I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat."
Will Rogers"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."
Tallulah Bankhead"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
Lily Tomlin"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."
Luis Bunuel"Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity."
Thor Heyerdahl"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."
Casey Stengel"My life needs editing."
Mort Sahl"You're only as good as your last haircut."
Fran Lebowitz"If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
Jack Benny"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."
Anthony Burgess"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
Ron White"Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it."
Charles Dudley Warner"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."
Don Marquis"Only the mediocre are always at their best."
Jean Giraudoux"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
Mel Brooks"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
Ellen DeGeneres"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
Steven Wright"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it."
Laurence J. Peter"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink."
Joe E. Lewis"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
Abraham Lincoln"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
Hedy Lamarr"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Brooke Shields"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
Jerry Seinfeld"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."
Robert Benchley"It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance."
Thomas Sowell"Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening."
Alexander Woollcott"There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice."
Lewis Black"I can resist everything except temptation."
Oscar Wilde"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."
W. C. Fields"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
Zsa Zsa Gabor"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
Jules Renard"Cure for an obsession: get another one."
Mason Cooley"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I."
Oscar Levant"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name."
Paula Poundstone"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
Margaret Mead"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know."
W. H. Auden"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."
Fred Allen"It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate."
Dave Barry"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."
Joan Rivers"I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one."
Paul Simon"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
Mark Twain"Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem."
Bill Vaughan"By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out."
Richard Dawkins"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."
Henry Kissinger"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
Douglas Adams"My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."
Billy Connolly"Electricity is really just organized lightning."
George Carlin"No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar."
Abraham Lincoln"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."
George Bernard Shaw"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass."
David Lee Roth"A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists."
Don Marquis"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."
Mae West"If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster."
Clint Eastwood"Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be."
Joan Rivers"I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry."
Norman Wisdom"I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them."
Anna Held"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
George Burns"Comedy is only funny when there's real pain."
Sebastian Stan"If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth."
Logan Pearsall Smith"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
Mitch Hedberg"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
Winston Churchill"I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives."
Billy Connolly"There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it."
Dennis Miller"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
Rodney Dangerfield"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
Terry Pratchett"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
Buddy Hackett"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
George Burns"Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did."
Bette Davis"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet."
Saint Augustine"It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether."
Johnny Vegas"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
Emo Philips"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?"
Margaret Smith"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
Groucho Marx"We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now, while we can, with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again."
Sheena Easton"For me personally, I just don't have anything to prove anymore. I know exactly who I am, I know that I'm intelligent and acting dumb or acting like whatever. If that's funny to me because I know it's false then so be it."
Emma Chamberlain"They're just jokes, people. They can't all be funny."
Theo Von"If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle."
Hillary Clinton"Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!"
Steve Martin"When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice."
Saul Bellow"Reality continues to ruin my life."
Bill Watterson"If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days."
Robin Williams"Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race."
H. G. Wells"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
Mark Twain"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale."
Arthur C. Clarke"If you're naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don't like."
William Feather"I never said most of the things I said."
Yogi Berra"All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911."
Lewis Black"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."
Chris Rock"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."
Katharine Hepburn"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
George Carlin"We are all born mad. Some remain so."
Samuel Beckett"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
George Bernard Shaw"They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning."
Clint Eastwood"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."
Bob Hope"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."
Mitch Hedberg"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."
Unknown"I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room."
Mercedes McCambridge"Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them."
George Lopez"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Rodney Dangerfield"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons."
Douglas Adams"Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease."
Bill Maher"If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that's what I'd be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong."
Marlon Wayans"I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on."
Norm MacDonald"From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere."
Dr. Seuss"It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead, you're made for life."
Jimi Hendrix"Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'"
Lewis Black"I have Slavic fat pads that make me look like a chipmunk and arched predatory eyebrows. With that, you're not going to get funny. That's why I play so many bad guys."
Liev Schreiber"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later."
Sabrina Carpenter"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
Fran Lebowitz"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
Alice Roosevelt Longworth"It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat."
Arnold Schwarzenegger"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back."
Richard Lewis"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
George Carlin"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
Elayne Boosler"My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare."
Mike Myers"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
Spike Milligan"I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me."
Stephen Fry"All men are equal before fish."
Herbert Hoover"I own and operate a ferocious ego."
Bill Moyers"The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion."
Fred Allen"I like marriage. The idea."
Toni Morrison"Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out."
Phyllis Diller"Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish."
Chevy Chase"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'"
Claude Pepper"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
Groucho Marx"We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect."
Alanis Morissette"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"
W. Clement Stone"Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively."
Laurence J. Peter"As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."
Calvin Trillin"I rant, therefore I am."
Dennis Miller"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
Mark Twain"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
Isaac Asimov"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
Robin Williams"Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter."
James A. Garfield"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."
H. L. Mencken"Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn."
Hesiod"As I get older, I just prefer to knit."
Tracey Ullman"I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me."
Dylan Moran"If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer."
Rob Corddry"I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli."
Michael J. Fox"When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine."
David Brenner"There's one thing about baldness, it's neat."
Don Herold"One man's folly is another man's wife."
Helen Rowland"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
Walt Disney"I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women."
Louis XIV"I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut."
Ellen DeGeneres"I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far."
Billy Connolly"I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously."
Cardi B"The funny thing about nationalism is that there are two sides to it. Some parts of it are beautiful, but there's an ugly side as well."
Gregory Porter"I call myself the Amusement Park. That's because I'm funny and scary at the same time."
Terry Crews"David Lynch and I almost made a movie together in the late '80s. We had lots of dinners and lunches. He's a very cool, hip guy. This film, let's face it, is like an homage to him, I would imagine he'd find it funny."
Martin Short"Funny and sad are two sides of the same coin. I think that most comedians are able to tap into deep subject matter."
Hasan Minhaj"Since there have been men and women, there have been funny women."
Andy Samberg"Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there."
Chris Evans"Robin Williams learned technique. He has the technique of being funny."
Paul Mooney"When you reminisce, you don't say, 'Remember that time you got sued by so-and-so?' No, you say, 'Remember when we played here and it was unbelievable, and we went out for that incredible meal and that funny thing happened?' Those are the important moments."
John Petrucci"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
George Bernard Shaw"Funny thing is that the poorer people are, the more generous they seem to be."
Dolly Parton"Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive."
Tim Allen"Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups."
Cathy Guisewite"If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving."
Henny Youngman"All generalizations are false, including this one."
Mark Twain"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
Erma Bombeck"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."
Steve Martin"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."
Mae West"Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint."
Don Marquis"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
Phyllis Diller"There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity."
Vladimir Nabokov"Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement."
Ronald Reagan"I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose."
Arthur Conan Doyle"This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last."
Oscar Wilde"An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it."
Don Marquis"Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it."
Sam Levenson"I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved."
Rose Kennedy"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often."
Oliver Herford"Who included me among the ranks of the human race?"
Joseph Brodsky"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong."
Bertrand Russell"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."
Lana Turner"One man is as good as another until he has written a book."
Benjamin Jowett"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern."
Mickey Rooney"I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced."
Ruby Wax"We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast."
Logan Pearsall Smith"It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes."
Jay London"Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get."
Robert Orben"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
Emo Philips"The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around."
Thomas A. Edison"California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange."
Fred Allen"Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not."
James Lipton"There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that contrast."
J. Michael Straczynski"I'm not funny. What I am is brave."
Lucille Ball"Most visions of extraterrestrial life are actually steeped in human hubris. The fictional extraterrestrials of 'Star Trek' or a hundred other space operas are less alien than many of my neighbors. And funny, the ones running the place are mostly WASPish men."
Nathan Myhrvold"And it is hysterically funny to see someone eating oysters for the first time."
Kathy Hilton"The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We've all got problems. The levels of those problems vary, but we've all got problems. When you can take things that are painful and make them funny, that's a gift - to you and your audience."
Kevin Hart"Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter."
Carol Burnett"Some people say funny things, but I say things funny."
Don Rickles"These guys Steve Harvey and Cedric the Entertainer and Bernie Mac claim they're the Kings of Comedy. They may be funny, but they ain't no kings. That title is reserved for Rudy Ray Moore and Redd Foxx."
Rudy Ray Moore"I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met."
Herb Caen"The next time you have a thought... let it go."
Ron White"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."
Thomas Szasz"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."
George Burns"If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life."
Henry David Thoreau"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
Henny Youngman"Men are only as loyal as their options."
Bill Maher"If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets."
Mel Brooks"Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts."
E. B. White"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends."
Walt Whitman"Even Napoleon had his Watergate."
Yogi Berra"The superfluous, a very necessary thing."
Voltaire"Never put a sock in a toaster."
Eddie Izzard"The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere."
Jimmy Fallon"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."
Henny Youngman"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
Rodney Dangerfield"You know what's funny to me? Attitude."
Don Rickles"I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me."
James Acaster"I love shifting between being super cute and aggressive. It's funny."
Sigrid"Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends."
Eminem"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."
Reba McEntire"I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire."
Roy Orbison"The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun."
P. G. Wodehouse"She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years."
J. B. Priestley"We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight."
Milton Berle"Reality is like a doughnut: Everything that is good and funny and juicy is outside the center, which is just emptiness."
Olga Tokarczuk"Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky."
Lee Trevino"In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me."
Rosie Perez"The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest."
Jean de la Bruyere"I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you."
Robin Williams"I am certain there is too much certainty in the world."
Michael Crichton"The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand."
Fred Allen"Why does everyone think the future is space helmets, silver foil, and talking like computers, like a bad episode of Star Trek?"
Tracey Ullman"Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name."
Milton Berle"When you're eight years old nothing is your business."
Lenny Bruce"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
Steven Wright"There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory."
Josh Billings"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?"
H. L. Mencken"When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life."
Richard Lewis"I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life."
Karan Patel"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
W. Somerset Maugham"Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny."
Norm MacDonald"Censorship no longer works by hiding information from you; censorship works by flooding you with immense amounts of misinformation, of irrelevant information, of funny cat videos, until you're just unable to focus."
Yuval Noah Harari"Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children."
Michael Morpurgo"Sometimes I'm really funny, sometimes I'm quiet, sometimes I'm shy, but I'm constantly changing."
Elle King"The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes."
William Feather"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
Rita Rudner"Miami Beach is where neon goes to die."
Lenny Bruce"I never liked you, and I always will."
Samuel Goldwyn"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"
Jerry Seinfeld"The funny thing about having all this so-called success is that behind it is a certain horrible emptiness."
Sam Shepard"You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it's kind of a lifestyle and it's easy to get caught up in it - you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyone's doing a certain thing... It's tough."
Eminem"Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend."
Lucy Liu"They did that little thing on South Park, and they mentioned my name and had a character of me judging a Halloween contest. It was really funny. That made me the coolest aunt on earth."
Tina Yothers"Sometimes I'll put on a Zig Ziglar tape: he's a motivational speaker who is really funny and really American. I know I should do the things he says, but I'm too cynical."
Laila Rouass"Looking the way I look, whenever anybody's looking for a light brown funny guy, I get the call... I'm 100 percent Greek, but I look like I could be Indian or Middle Eastern or Hispanic. If it's ethnic, they'll try and put me in it."
Jason Mantzoukas"I've never met a funny person who wasn't smart. I've met a lot of dramatic people who were stupid. But I've never met a funny person who wasn't smart."
Rob Lowe"It's so different when you change your hair color, you're treated so differently. It's a very funny experience. It's fun - I love changing up my hair."
Kate Bosworth"Funny is an attitude."
Flip Wilson"A rich man's joke is always funny."
Thomas Edward Brown"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor."
Joan Rivers"Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you."
Joey Adams"When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic."
Jane Wagner"People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant."
Ellen DeGeneres"What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise."
Jerome K. Jerome"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month."
Theodore Roosevelt"Instant gratification takes too long."
Carrie Fisher"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"
Christina Aguilera"What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean."
Christopher Fry"Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering."
Marilyn vos Savant"Fashions have done more harm than revolutions."
Victor Hugo"Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America."
James Joyce"Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative."
Henry Kissinger"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
Woody Allen"Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long."
Ogden Nash"One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening."
Franklin P. Jones"Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"
James Thurber"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield"I like children - fried."
W. C. Fields"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'"
Isaac Asimov"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."
Peter Ustinov"That's the funny thing about time. It is only in looking back that it's easy to connect the dots. To see exactly why everything needed to happen the way that it did."
Rebecca Serle"There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh."
Jeff Garlin"You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things."
Ken Kesey"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value."
Arthur C. Clarke"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger"Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?"
Robert Benchley"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
Johnny Carson"Memories are doing funny things to us."
Milos Forman"People think it's funny that I enjoy dreaming so much. I just use it as a form of entertainment. It's very private. I don't see my dreams as separate. I mean, half the time I'm wandering around dreaming anyway."
Robert Smith"Seeing the funny side of life is useful, and I've always had a sense of humour."
Henry Allingham"In person, my father is so friendly, so considerate, so funny, and so real. I have admired my father all of my life, and I love him with all my heart."
Tiffany Trump"It sounds funny, but my biggest fear is that I'm not perfect. I'm a perfectionist, and I get upset when things go wrong or when I don't do well."
Nick Jonas"The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential."
Ray Stevens"Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian, even though we work 180 degrees differently, but funny is funny is funny."
Bob Newhart"I love fools' experiments. I am always making them."
Charles Darwin"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."
Will Rogers"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
Phyllis Diller"He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food."
Raymond Chandler"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
George Carlin"I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty."
Imelda Marcos"I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair."
Bette Davis"Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something."
Wilson Mizner"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
Laurence J. Peter"Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands."
Jerry Lewis"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl."
Dave Barry"If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?"
Lily Tomlin"One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts."
Samuel Johnson"Every man has a sane spot somewhere."
Robert Louis Stevenson"Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them."
H. L. Mencken"Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs."
Alfred Hitchcock"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."
Charles M. Schulz"Let's have some new cliches."
Samuel Goldwyn"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows."
Tommy Cooper"Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself."
Cathy Guisewite"I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings."
Paula Poundstone"If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?"
Robin Williams"God did not intend religion to be an exercise club."
Naguib Mahfouz"Being funny is my biggest differentiator, and I think I'd be a fool not to use that, and there's nothing I enjoy personally more than making a human being laugh. But then, I also think I have a serious side to me."
Lil Dicky"I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me."
Warren Buffett"Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know."
Andre Maurois"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."
Milton Berle"I had gotten to a place where I truly believed everything I was called: 'not sexy,' 'not funny,' 'too intense,' desperate.' All those labels they gave me, I took them because there wasn't a trace of my true self left."
Naomi Watts"Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of."
Maya Angelou"I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school."
J. Cole"It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to."
J. D. Salinger"YouTube is such a funny little world. You can create a fanbase."
Lindsey Stirling"Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke."
John Krasinski"Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out."
Kate McKinnon"That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard."
Joe Rogan"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
Rita Rudner"If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything."
William Lyon Phelps"Include me out."
Samuel Goldwyn"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."
Jerry Seinfeld"It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish."
Stephen Leacock"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead."
Samuel Goldwyn"When I was born I owed twelve dollars."
George S. Kaufman"He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle."
Alice Roosevelt Longworth"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
Spike Milligan"An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out."
George Jean Nathan"A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children."
David Brenner"Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell."
Robert Byrne"Life would be tragic if it weren't funny."
Stephen Hawking"One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute."
William Feather"Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things."
Joan Rivers"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Will Rogers"Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings."
Sparky Anderson"You see much more of your children once they leave home."
Lucille Ball"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."
Woody Allen"I think serial monogamy says it all."
Tracey Ullman"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again."
Robert A. Heinlein"I trust God's timing. I'm a very spiritual person, and a lot of times, we want things on our time, and we come up with our own plans of what we want to do with our lives, but God be like, 'Haha, you're funny. That's cute. Anyways, this is what you're going to do,' and I've learned to just sit back."
LeToya Luckett"There's a deep underlying unpredictability to life that is thrilling. In China, my wife would say you go out to buy toilet paper, and you come back, and something interesting or revealing or funny happened on the way."
Evan Osnos"I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times."
Jackie Mason"I remember watching Margaret Cho with my grandmother on TV. She was my hero, not only because she was funny, but because she showed me that it's okay to be yourself, that it's okay to be a brash yellow girl and to be a strong and brave woman."
Awkwafina"I have been working as an actor for 16-17 years now. The funny thing is I still feel awkward in communicating with the public as a star. It hasn't been long since my drama 'Goblin' ended, and I'm looking forward for some time to rest."
Gong Yoo"Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy!"
Hannah Murray"Ignoring fame was my rebellion, in a funny way. I was insistent on being normal and doing normal things. It probably wasn't advisable to go to college in America and room with a complete stranger. And it probably wasn't wise to share a bathroom with eight other people in a coed dorm. Looking back, that was crazy."
Emma Watson"People know me as just this handsome guy - a very handsome guy. But I can also be funny and fun. -Choi Si"
won"I have an unfortunate personality."
Orson Welles"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."
Jay London"You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them."
Thomas Hardy"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
Woody Allen"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."
Jack Benny"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
Joan Rivers"If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry."
O. Henry"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me."
Elayne Boosler"One picture is worth 1,000 denials."
Ronald Reagan"Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark."
O. Henry"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver."
Jay Leno"Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?"
James Thurber"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
Jane Wagner"Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny."
Ben Stein"People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway."
Tim Vine"Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings."
Ellen DeGeneres"Progress was all right. Only it went on too long."
James Thurber"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
Mitch Hedberg"I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier."
Howard Nemerov"It's funny, I had dinner with my dear friend John Spencer last night and I'm not in the first episode, but he's at the beginning of it and he was telling me about it and I thought this sounds very hot because I think this is definitely the last year of West Wing."
Stockard Channing"It's funny - almost every comedian that I started out with moved to L.A., except for my two friends Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer. And my two friends that are doing the best in comedy, the most successful friends I have, are Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer."
Eric Andre"If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay."
Tom Hanks"Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it's really how it works."
Steve Jobs"'Crash' came from personal experience. I saw things inside me from living in L.A. that made me uncomfortable. I saw horrible things in people and saw terrible things in myself. I saw a black director completely humiliated, but the three people around me just thought it was funny. 'No,' I said, 'that is selling your soul.'"
Paul Haggis"Sometimes I can't believe I'm going to be 60. I always say there's no point moaning about getting older, when there's nothing you can do about it. But still, I do find it quite funny. I look at that number, 60, and I think, 'Really? Me?'"
Twiggy"Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top."
Edward Abbey"To be or not to be. That's not really a question. -Jean"
Luc Godard"He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow."
George Eliot"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."
Johnny Carson"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from."
Eddie Izzard"Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?"
Don Rickles"There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together."
Josh Billings"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love."
Joe E. Lewis"I saw a stationery store move."
Jay London"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."
Yogi Berra"Communism is like one big phone company."
Lenny Bruce"It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious."
Bill Hicks"Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube."
Joan Rivers"After all is said and done, sit down."
Bill Copeland"All my children inherited perfect pitch."
Chevy Chase"I'm for whatever gets you through the night."
Frank Sinatra"If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?"
Laurence J. Peter"If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable."
Carrie Fisher"Often, joking for me is a way of diffusing the awkwardness of a situation, so it's kind of exhilarating to be a part of projects where there's nothing funny or lighthearted."
Emma Stone"I can't stress to you enough how much I can relate to teens being cyberbullied. Something that helps me is looking at old videos of me and my friends from middle school, or videos of my family. I love watching funny videos of my favorite people - it really cheers me up."
Ariana Grande"There's a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn't nice, but grumpy is funny."
Rick Wakeman"What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them, they are unpredictable. Dogs are more social, and the way that they attach and bond to us is much more human."
Ze Frank"I was fired from an NBC sitcom called 'Friends With Benefits.' I was wrong for the part from the beginning, didn't even want to audition, and kept thinking, 'This isn't funny at all.'"
Patrick J. Adams"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours."
Milton Berle"Never have more children than you have car windows."
Erma Bombeck"Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave."
Wilson Mizner"Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children."
Samuel Butler"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
Emo Philips"I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money."
Bob Hope"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first."
George Carlin"Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got."
Josh Billings"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day."
Jay Leno"We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity - romantic love and gunpowder."
Andre Maurois"Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children."
Bill Hicks"I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"
Leo Durocher"Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore."
Wavy Gravy"The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible."
David Ogilvy"Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself."
Christina Grimmie"Funny enough, if you are looking at people these days who are putting Botox in their face and getting all sorts of plastic surgery, we look at them and go, I can tell you've had Botox. I can tell you've had plastic surgery. You look really strange to me. But no one's saying anything. We're just accepting the fact that they're strange-looking."
Guy Pearce"Careers are funny things. They begin mysteriously and, just as mysteriously, they can end; and I am at just the very beginning of what I hope will be a long and satisfying life in the theater. But, whatever happens, I am grateful to have had my novice work received so well, and so quickly."
Edward Albee"It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man."
H. L. Mencken"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."
Logan Pearsall Smith"Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it."
Norman Douglas"A word to the wise is infuriating."
Hunter S. Thompson"If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!"
Demetri Martin"It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy."
Hedy Lamarr"I think I was the only person in my experimental film class doing comedy. But my sense of humor and a lot of comedy that I love is quite surreal and strange, you know? You could argue that 'Monty Python' is experimental film. It just happens to be really funny."
Andy Samberg"I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me."
Marilyn Manson"Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom."
Alan King"I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great."
Will Ferrell"All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh."
Joel McHale"Confidence is a funny thing, and sometimes that's all you need is just that little bit to elevate you to the next level."
DeAndre Yedlin"Maori get pigeonholed into the idea they're spiritual and telling stories like 'Whale Rider' and 'Once Were Warriors,' quite serious stuff, but we're pretty funny people, and we never really have had an opportunity to show that side of ourselves, the clumsy, nerdy side of ourselves, which is something I am."
Taika Waititi"Too much agreement kills a chat."
Eldridge Cleaver"I'm an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat."
Harold Wilson"Every dogma has its day."
Anthony Burgess"I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair."
Hillary Clinton"Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf."
Lewis Mumford"TV is chewing gum for the eyes."
Frank Lloyd Wright"To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is."
Dick Cavett"I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do."
Will Rogers"A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers."
Kevin Nealon"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
Les Dawson"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."
Steven Wright"I wish I had the nerve not to tip."
Paul Lynde"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante"My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra."
Angie Dickinson"I'm an off-road racecar driver. And I think every woman in my life has told me that's not a sensible hobby. But when I was growing, even more than I wanted to be funny, I wanted to be a racecar driver. That's all I thought about. I worked for a race team when I was 15 and I traveled with them."
Dax Shepard"When I was in high school, there was 'Superbad' and 'The Girl Next Door' and 'Wedding Crashers' and all these great movies. You hope to be a part of something that's smart, funny and in that Todd Phillips-vein. You want to make something like 'Superbad.' That movie was so good and so funny."
Miles Teller"A joke is just a paintbrush. It takes someone funny to paint something beautiful."
Andrew Schulz"There is a saying that if you get something for free, you should know that you're the product. It was never more true than in the case of Facebook and Gmail and YouTube. You get free social-media services, and you get free funny cat videos. In exchange, you give up the most valuable asset you have, which is your personal data."
Yuval Noah Harari"I believe in choosing your words very carefully. It's funny: I'll get comments like, 'Oh I love you. You don't care; you have no filter.' On the contrary, I absolutely have a filter, because I understand decorum, and my objective is not to upset people."
Iliza Shlesinger"I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church."
Paul Lynde"The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder."
Al Gore"I can speak Esperanto like a native."
Spike Milligan"I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more."
James Brown"I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness."
Keanu Reeves"I thought comedians were the funny guy in the common room, not understanding that the flaws in my personality were actually the funny things about me."
James Acaster"What bothers most critics of my work is the goofiness. One reviewer said I need to make up my mind if want to be funny or serious. My response is that I will make up my mind when God does, because life is a commingling of the sacred and the profane, good and evil. To try and separate them is fallacy."
Tom Robbins"You're unlikely to discover something new without a lot of practice on old stuff, but further, you should get a heck of a lot of fun out of working out funny relations and interesting things."
Richard P. Feynman"I don't follow anything blindly. I have to know the entire thing, if I have to get in to it. It might sound funny to you, but it's like using English language. I use an English word only when I know its meaning and understand its connotation. You won't hear me say, 'What's up, dude' or anything like that just for the heck of it."
Kailash Kher"I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person."
Robin Williams"I grew up a really shy kid, but I always surrounded myself with a lot funny people. It depends on the day - if I feel like being quiet, I will be. I'm not a complete goofball, though."
Manny Montana"I wasn't the class clown. I wasn't that obvious. There would be a circle of guys, and they're watching the class clown. And I'm standing in the back, and I turn to the guy next to me and I say something funny to him, and he starts to laugh. And the guy next to him says, 'What did he say?'"
Bob Newhart"In general, the straight line of a joke sets up a premise, an expectation. Then the funny ending - the punch line - in a sense contradicts the original assumption by refusing to follow what had seemed a reasonable train of thought. Many jokes involve that simple matter of leaping outside what had appeared to be the rules of the game at the moment."
Steve Allen"Everyone tells me I have a funny accent. It's because I copy people. I learned English at school but have best friends who are French, Australian, English and American; a very weird mix."
Caroline Winberg"If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents."
Marcelene Cox"Macho does not prove mucho."
Zsa Zsa Gabor"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."
Robert Benchley"Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed."
Josh Billings"The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them."
Bill Vaughan"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday."
George Burns"As for our majority... one is enough."
Benjamin Disraeli"If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon."
W. C. Fields"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron."
Phyllis Diller"Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves."
Abraham Lincoln"Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum."
P. G. Wodehouse"Be obscure clearly."
E. B. White"I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host."
David Letterman"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
Albert Einstein"It's funny how life works. You end up sometimes back where you started."
Karl Iagnemma"A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it."
Ivan Reitman"There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world."
Jean Baudrillard"No matter what I do, I can't help but feel that I'm under a microscope. Some of it is completely silly, and some of it is meant to be hurtful. For example, a website accumulated all of my music videos to point out perceived Illuminati images. I loved that one. Of course, it was all ridiculous but funny."
Steve Aoki"There's a lot of stupid men out there who feel like makeup is a betrayal of the truth, and that is so funny to me."
Katya Zamolodchikova"I buy so much fake jewelry, it's funny. It's not real. I don't wear real diamonds or anything."
Kate Spade"Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could just not think it's funny. You're just sitting there like, 'Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everyone laughing?' It's such a personal thing. People have such a personal visceral response to comedy."
Todd Phillips"It's a funny old world."
Margaret Thatcher"I wake up every day and look at my own ugly mug in the mirror and don't think twice about it. The fact that other people might want to look at me still feels funny. It's flattering, but funny."
Luke Bracey"I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny."
Martin Short"Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them."
P. G. Wodehouse"I love mankind; it's people I can't stand."
Charles M. Schulz"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
Albert Einstein"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
Abraham Lincoln"I read part of it all the way through."
Samuel Goldwyn"It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse."
Adlai Stevenson I"You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor."
Katie Nolan"I'm attracted to funny people with nice hands who smell good and are kind to people."
Mae Martin"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is."
Steve Martin"If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you."
Billy Wilder"It's funny, because even though on a drama like 'Picket Fences' those long monologues would stress me out, doing special effects where there's a green screen and there's nobody there to to react to and you have to recite all this dialogue, it's so much more difficult."
Holly Marie Combs"I don't want to sound hoity-toity, but people told me I should watch 'Cheers' because it's very funny. So I watched it, and I just went, 'This is the great show of the universe?' To me, acting is making characters believable, not just doing jokes."
Teri Garr"With comedy, don't try to be funny. That's really helped me. Just say the lines as you would say them, interact with other characters, and try to make it as real as possible. It will come out funny."
Ariel Winter"It's funny, I often think about how, if we were all placed in an apocalyptic situation, you'd realize quickly how stupid, petty things just don't matter anymore. Who you love is who you love, and it doesn't matter. -Alycia Debnam"
Carey"You win a race, the next race it's a question mark. Are you still the best or not? That's what is funny. But that's what is interesting. And that's what is challenging. You have to prove yourself every time."
Michael Schumacher"There are a lot of funny people and a lot of unfunny people. Some of them are women and some of them are dudes."
Lake Bell"Anne Wiazemsky wrote two books about her life with Jean-Luc Godard between 1966 and 1969. And I first read the second one, which is about the fall of their love story and their marriage. I immediately thought there was a movie to make with this book because it was so funny, and I thought the love story was very, very touching."
Michel Hazanavicius"There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer."
Milton Berle"I was the troublemaker, always being funny - that's just who I am."
Joan Smalls"I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'"
Demetri Martin"Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine."
Christopher Plummer"Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks."
Caroline Rhea"Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax."
Charles Kettering"What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes."
Samuel Beckett"I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty."
Bob Hope"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
Jay London"I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent."
Edith Sitwell"Things that I feel really sad about, I talk about. That way, if it's funny, it doesn't hurt anymore."
Pete Davidson"Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown."
Fanny Brice"When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side."
Robin Williams"I think God has a sense of humor, and the way my lessons come from God is very funny. I have to laugh at myself even if it's a tough lesson."
Yvette Nicole Brown"If you accept failure, then you can improve on it. It's funny though, because, on the flip side of the coin, I'd say that if you don't accept failure, there is no failure."
Subhash Chandra"There used to be such a thing as a sick joke, or laughing at misfortune, because comedy and laughter are a way of coping. And there is a kind of cruelty to it, but you can separate finding something horrible funny, and what you really think of it."
Limmy