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"Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink."

W. C. Fields

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

W. C. Fields

"I like children - fried."

W. C. Fields

"If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon."

W. C. Fields

"When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty."

W. C. Fields

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

W. C. Fields

"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money."

W. C. Fields

"It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money."

W. C. Fields

"Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against."

W. C. Fields

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it."

W. C. Fields

"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it."

W. C. Fields

"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree."

W. C. Fields

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."

W. C. Fields

"I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home."

W. C. Fields

"The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath."

W. C. Fields

"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."

W. C. Fields

"Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?"

W. C. Fields

Quotes by W. C. Fields